Since it is February in Iowa Tiffany and I often find ourselves asking the same question we've been asking for the last several years...Why are we doing this? It's a pathetic question (and anyone reading this is probably saying what my inner critic is saying - "Because you wanted to moron, now shut-up and deal"), and in reality life is good and we have no room for complaint. But after a couple of months of brutally cold weather we tend to find ourselves wondering why we are here, and whether we've got the stamina to see it through...that's when we find ourselves drifting a bit and trying to remember what motivated us to embark in the first place. Four reasons why we decided to give up a good job and a move away are pictured here (although we only had two when that decision was made). But if I told you that the only reason we did this was because we wanted a more secure life for our children, I'd be lying.
Perhaps the most difficult thing about coming to Iowa has been the realization (after the fact) that a lot of the reason for us being here is probably my pride. If you have talents, abilities, desires, you should follow them, magnify them...right?
Generally, I would say this is true -- but not entirely, and not always. The only problem with the line of thinking I just spelled out is that there is always something more to achieve...MA not enough, there's a PhD, that not enough, how about a law degree on top? -- constitutional law sounds interesting to me...But at some point in time ambition starts to taste a little too much like raw lemons, and I find that satiating it is a souring experience. At times like these I'm left wondering whether a desire to do "good things" might, at times, be less wholesome and fulfilling than originally thought. And I can't help but think that I'm asking those I love to pay a rather high price for my cup of lemonade...My apologies for the maudlin self-indulgence...like I said, it's February in Iowa, and everything, including the bedroom window I'm looking out of, seems a bit glazed and icy...And lemons are particularly sour this time of year.
Since it is February in Iowa Tiffany and I often find ourselves asking the same question we've been asking for the last several years...Why are we doing this? It's a pathetic question (and anyone reading this is probably saying what my inner critic is saying - "Because you wanted to moron, now shut-up and deal"), and in reality life is good and we have no room for complaint. But after a couple of months of brutally cold weather we tend to find ourselves wondering why we are here, and whether we've got the stamina to see it through...that's when we find ourselves drifting a bit and trying to remember what motivated us to embark in the first place. Four reasons why we decided to give up a good job and a move away are pictured here (although we only had two when that decision was made). But if I told you that the only reason we did this was because we wanted a more secure life for our children, I'd be lying.
Perhaps the most difficult thing about coming to Iowa has been the realization (after the fact) that a lot of the reason for us being here is probably my pride. If you have talents, abilities, desires, you should follow them, magnify them...right?
Generally, I would say this is true -- but not entirely, and not always. The only problem with the line of thinking I just spelled out is that there is always something more to achieve...MA not enough, there's a PhD, that not enough, how about a law degree on top? -- constitutional law sounds interesting to me...But at some point in time ambition starts to taste a little too much like raw lemons, and I find that satiating it is a souring experience. At times like these I'm left wondering whether a desire to do "good things" might, at times, be less wholesome and fulfilling than originally thought. And I can't help but think that I'm asking those I love to pay a rather high price for my cup of lemonade...My apologies for the maudlin self-indulgence...like I said, it's February in Iowa, and everything, including the bedroom window I'm looking out of, seems a bit glazed and icy...And lemons are particularly sour this time of year.
4 comments:
You left something out of your post: I don't know for sure, but I'm pretty sure you're doing this because, basically, God told you to do it. February in Iowa is brutal, and it's even more brutal when you're writing a dissertation. God basically hit me over the head that I had to do the dissertation and I STILL almost quit several times. You hang in there!! The other side of the dissertation is worth it!
I love to see these pictures! I love you guys!
We're all wondering that, so at least you're not a freak.
Just remember, Adam, no matter what you do, just make sure it will enable you to lead your family closer to Christ.
I'm glad you guys are here.
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